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Why You Should Totally Get An MBA

 

An excerpt from Paul Ollinger's newly published hilarious book "You Should Totally Get An MBA"

An excerpt from  “You Should Totally Get An MBA”

So it’s come to this. You have been out of college for two or three years. Perhaps even two or three times that. Work is going okay…maybe it’s even going great.

But you want more. You want a change of careers. You want to be on the fast track. Or maybe you just want to learn some cool buzzwords and how to make fancy charts. Understandably, you’re thinking that business school might be for you.

Before you rush on off and sign up for the GMAT or the GRE, let’s make sure that business school is right for you.

Peruse the list of qualifiers below and check all that apply:

  • My career is stalling.
  • I want to make more money.
  • I have exhausted all honest means of making a living.
  • I want to make more money.
  • I heard MBAs make better lovers.2
  • I want to make more money.
  • I’m 25, tending bar, and my dad recently took me aside for a “come-to-Jesus” discussion. He promised to pay for a GMAT prep course if I could contain the partying just long enough to get through it. He also reminded me that I made decent grades at Ithaca and if he knew I was going to be this kind of a deadbeat, he would have sent me to public school. So the beast within me awoke and declared: “I will make something of my life. I will be someone. I will get—and be—an MBA!”
  • I want to make more money.

If you answered YES to any (or half) of the questions above, then you should totally go to business school!

On the other hand…

Just as there are very good reasons for going to business school, there are also some pretty bad reasons for going to business school. Given the time and money required to earn an MBA from a top program, anything less than a deep-burning commitment to get an MBA will not suffice.

Here are some common excuses misguided people use to consider pursuing an MBA. You will find many of these on abandoned applications and in the files of mid-year drop-outs.

Please check all that apply:

  • Just broke up with my sweetie and am feeling totes sad.
  • Bored / Nothing better to do.
  • Will make Mom and/or Dad proud.
  • I have no idea what to do with my career.

If you checked any of the above, you need to check that gut. Why?

• Feeling sad is best remedied by writing a poem, doing yoga or taking up macramé. Sadness is nowhere near the career motivator that greed is. Come on! (Caveat here is that if being single opens you up to new life experiences and re-establishing yourself as an independent entity, then you’re better off without that loser.)

• Bored / Nothing better to do: applying to business school isn’t fun—it’s a GIGANTIC pain in the ass. If you’re not totally fired up about the process, the admissions folks are going to smell stink all over your turd of an application. Do better!

• Similarly, “Need to make Mom/Dad proud” won’t get you through…unless they’re paying your tuition, in which case, #1—Lucky you (jerk), and #2—Go for it.

But I do believe in the MBA degree and experience, which—if done right— will earn you a whole mess o’ value. So let’s be clear:

An MBA will not give you…

  • Wisdom
  • Ambition
  • Sexual prowess
  • Tact (as I have just proven)

An MBA will give you…

  • Some very solid skills / knowledge
  • A great network/ some open doors
  • A prettier resume
  • Business school will not only teach you about business, it will teach you how to think about business. At top programs, you’ll meet great people who will broaden your thinking and raise your standards.

And once finished with your studies, you will have at your disposal super-cool tools like the 2×2 matrix for strategy, the 4 P’s for marketing and that one for finance that I forgot right after I got out of school.

Sure, you’ve been moderately successful in your career so far, but once you are outfitted with these powerful weapons, you will be an unstoppable business super-hero.

Comedian & author Paul Ollinger

Comedian & author Paul Ollinger

Author Paul Ollinger is a writer and stand-up comedian who has opened for some of the biggest names in the business. He also has an MBA from Dartmouth’s Tuck School and was one the first 250 employees of Facebook where he served as VP of Sales for the Western United States. When he’s not on the road speaking, doing stand-up and sharing his unique POV on business and life, he lives in Atlanta, GA, with his beautiful wife, two wonderful children and French bulldog, Colonel Tom Parker. This article is excerpted with his permission from his newly published book, You Should Totally Get An MBA: A Comedian’s Guide To Top U.S. Business Schools, now available on Amazon.

‘Totally Get An MBA’ Video Series

 

So, You Want To Be An MBA: You Should Totally Do It!

Other Things You Could Buy For The $141K Cost Of An MBA

Business School Vs. Law School: Why The MBA Totally Kills It

What You Should & Shouldn’t Say When Applying To B-School

My Story: From The Dartmouth Tuck Campus To The Improv Stage