What’s the best way to find out which business school is the right fit? Research? Networking? Nah, too much work.
How about a five-minute quiz from Dealbreaker?
First off, let me tell you I’m naturally skeptical. Any quiz that purports to match you with an institution’s culture is no better than a dating app that pretends to match you with your perfect date.
YALE? I WOULD HAVE BET THAT WHARTON OR COLUMBIA WOULD BE A BETTER MATCH
Besides, one of my colleagues here, Jeff Schmitt, just took the test and discovered he was best suited to Yale University’s School of Management. Anyone who knows Jeff would know he would fit in well at either Wharton or Columbia because he’s competitive as all hell and data driven as a reporter and writer.
And then there are the ten entertaining, if somewhat wacky, questions in the quiz that get you to the result. You’ll start with this one:
You have three children, but you belatedly realize that you only need two. The marginal cost of the third exceeds your expected return on the biological investment. But you know children are valuable, to some people. How do you go about generating positive returns on your excess family planning?
WHERE TO HIDE WHEN THE FEDS ARE ONTO YOU?
Hmm….That’s the equivalent of an investment banking recruiter asking female Harvard Business School applicants that if they were pregnant but on an important deal would they abort their child to make sure the birth wouldn’t interfere with business (a true story back in the day that got the firm suspended from HBS for a year or two).
Or how about this one?
Everything is falling apart. The Feds are onto you. The press is hammering you. It’s time to go. Where are you hiding for the rest of your days?
My answer? The Grand Cayman. “Your money has already been hiding there for years,” the quiz advises. But, of course, you could have chosen Argentina (“Good steaks. Lots of places where you can sneak away”) or Iceland (“Seriously, have you ever been to Iceland? It’s amazing”) or finally Papua New Guinea (“It’s baaad, dude. You need to fake your own death and disappear”).
‘MOMMY & DADDY DIDN’T SET UP THAT TRUST FUND JUST SO YOU COULD MAKE YOUR OWN FUTURE’
On which campus these various options might put you is anyone’s guess. But I would never have guessed that the quiz would recommend Yale SOM for me as well. I’m a poet, hungry to be inspired by extraordinary teachers, and I totally buy into the school’s world conscious, collaborative, business/social enterprise ethos. And I love the latest crop of Yalies at SOM, but my own sense of an ideal match opens the doors to a large portfolio of MBA programs, ranging from Northwestern’s Kellogg School of Management to Dartmouth College’s Tuck School of Business.
The quiz master, however, tries to reassure me that SOM is the school for me: “Look, you believe that business can be a force for good in this world. People may laugh at that, but just because those people make more money than you doesn’t make them right. You do you. Don’t listen to the haters. It’s all going to work out fine, Mommy and Daddy didn’t set up that trust fund just so you could make your own fortune.”
My favorite question of all?
Which financial services movie do you want to live in?
WALL STREET VS. BARBARIANS AT THE GATE
Hey, I’m a big movie buff and especially have a weakness for all flicks that tackle business issues. The choices here are Wall Street, Trading Places, Barbarians At The Gate, and Arbitrage.
I picked Barbarians. As the quiz informed me: “IMDB says: The president of a major tobacco company decides to buy the company himself, but a bidding war ensues as other companies make their own offers.’”
Well, like Jeff, I’m also super competitive.
If you’re completely bored with the never-ending Presidential election and want to kill some time today before the Cubs play the Indians in what could be the final World Series game, here’s the quiz for you to take.