Sandy’s Take On The New Harvard Business School Essay Book

ESSAY 4.  The Burden Reliever

The Story: This is guy whose dad tattooed himself for four hours. And in fact had been in prison when the writer was born.  Humorous and detailed and effective opening about lower-class dysfunctional family and the negative impact that disorganized finances and living conditions  had on both his sisters and his neighbors–all a motivation for the writer to join the Air Force as a way to break that cycle. Second paragraph reprises a volunteer trip (sounds like an LDS mission, but not many LDS dads I know have tattoos) to a poor country, where the same dysfunctional culture and poverty, seen now for a second time, create a ‘milestone’ in his development. The writer now wants to alleviate lives, in some ways, for those in financial distress. Third paragraph is why HBS by way of narrating what he learned on a visit during prospective military day. This is less effective but leads him to the observation, based on folks he meets, that workng for a for-profit institution is not exclusive of creating positive social change, the theme of the first two paragrpahs. Last two paragraphs are his speculations on post-MBA goals, “at the intersection of finance and the underprivileged.” That could mean, “how commercial banking  and  investment services could be better tailored to people with lower incomes . . . .”

Sandy Says:  Winner essay, especially the first two paragraphs (out of five), where he reprises his family history and volunteer work. Also a good model for a military essay without war stories, since he goes very light on his actual Air Force service and instead bases his key motives on family background and volunteer trip.  Not all military essays have to follow that model but it works in this case. We really like this guy. He is thoughtful, intelligent, a competent writer, well meaning and self-aware with postive values. 

To the extent that he had some cards “to play” about the dysfunctional background of his family and dad being in prision when he was born, that content is introduced intelligently and impressively, as part of some other story about his goals and what his influences were.  The fact that his career road map is very general (and not really researched and does not cite analogs which already exist) is not a super big deal, but if you are looking for tips, hey, why not do that. This is an essay which actually could have moved the needle since it is coherent, affecting, fills in some useful background and you like the guy. If this guy was on the bubble as a military applicant in terms of schooling, GPA, GMAT, this could have pushed him in. 

ESSAY 5.  The Risktaker

The Story: Gag. Smart enough guy bores us pretty silly about his decision to stay at Company 1 (hard to figure out, but sounds like a PE-backed pharmacy benefits management company) where he has been doing very well, and just received a promotion to Senior Associate (he quotes from his performance to begin the essay, not a good gimmick in most cases, IMHO) versus some other job. First three paragraphs (of seven-paragraph essay) are dull but not annoying (to most people, I was annoyed) review of what the positives were at his old company told with a self-serving overlay. “I gained comfort working in high pressure situations alongside senior management . . .I learned to communicate with impact and connect with various audiences.” 

This is not revealing or dramatic prose but we get the general idea. You were doing lots of high level stuff, you were well liked. Paragraph four is a summary of what he would gain from taking the new job. Also serviceable and dull. Paragraph five is the “money” paragraph, such as it is, Hamlet finally makes up his mind with this brainstorm: “In order to lead a business in the future, I needed to focus on areas that would strengthen my general management and leadership skills.” 

That would be company two. Ta-da!!!! Amazingly, paragraph six is a recap of how hard this decision was by reiterating all the stuff that is great about Company One. The essay ends on this piece of show-stopping wisdom: “using long-term objectives to guide short-term decisions can provide direction and clarity in daunting situations.” 

Sandy Says:  Well, my assumption is this was a very highly qualified dude to begin with, who found some way to use a decision to accept a new job as a way to talk a great length about what his accmplishments were at Company 1 versus Company 2 and wrap the whole bragfest up around some truly cliched and moronic gas-baggery about decision making. I don’t much like the writer I meet here, but I’m not an adcom, and this shtick actually provides an outline for how to get through the HBS essay process, provided YOU ARE ALREADY GETTING IN, before you write the essay. 

Just take an important decision and use it as a way to explore why you did well at Job 1 and Job 2.  This might not work as well at an investment bank or consulting shop, where what you do is pretty much the same blah, blah as what everyone else does. This guy’s job, but not his description of it, actually had him doing more varied things than most bankers and consultants. I don’t think this essay moved the needle at all. My guess is, his stats and solid recs and clear goals are what made things happen here. But I could be wrong, it is possible that he really maxed out every little touch point and assignment at Job 1, and that got him a couple of feet ahead of other dudes applying from similar backgrounds with essays that were odd or annoying to anyone, versus touchy me. The essay had the virtue of being detailed, organized (for the most part) and not deeply annoying.

ESSAY 6. The Giver

The Story: A commercial banker narrates story of the short life of his younger brother who died of a rare disease (born without arms and legs) and how his family came together to take care of him. They later start a local charity, which has expanded. The writer also narrates his own efforts in major tri-athelon type fund-raising event.

Sandy Says: Powerful story obviously told with focus and compassion and the writer seems likeable and organized. His thesis seems to be that experiencing his family organize around caring for his brother and later starting a charity taught him about the value for service and compassion. “And it’s not so much that my views changed from this experience, but I feel like I’ve gained a new level of clarity.  I’m much more confident in my life goals, and can pursue them with pride and conviction.”

Good way to wrap up this narration.  This is a unique essay about a very powerful personal experience, which is wrangled into shape for the most part, and organized,  and we certainly empathize with the writer.  Did this move the needle beyond core stats? Hard to say.  If this guy was in a pack of 100 banker types, and you could only interview 35, well, an essay like this might be an easy way to make that call. I do not think an essay like this is going to move someone otherwise not typically interviewed into an interview slot. It is not that powerful about the writer and his own accomplishments; it is a powerful capture of a unique and moving experience.