Taking The GMAT 21 Years Later

THE GMAT: A LITMUS TEST OF COMMITMENT TO THE BUSINESS SCHOOL APPLICATION GAME

Yes, its primary purpose is to determine whether one can read and do math. But beyond that, it’s a litmus test of commitment to the business school application game itself.

And while this game has plenty of other elements that can be humorously poked and prodded, it is a well-honed process that effectively evaluates not just the taker’s brainage, but also the degree of his hunger, which is at least as important to one’s long term success.

“Perhaps there was an easier way to come to this realization than putting myself through this exercise,” I think to myself. But it doesn’t matter now, as I am already done with my test. I let out a long breath.

So here we are. Do I now want to see my score? Yes I do (drumroll, please):

• 640.
• 71^st percentile.

Uggh. I am not happy. With this score, Harvard and Stanford won’t recruit me. Nor will my beloved alma mater…despite the fact that I am a meta-legacy.

FASCINATED BY A DIFFERENT GAME THESE DAYS: WHAT WE DO TO SUCCEED

I’m disappointed, as I had done much better on practice tests. Damn you, data sufficiency questions!

But really, what could I expect? I studied for maybe ten hours. If there’s anything my score reflects it’s that I don’t give enough of a sh*t about the test itself.

What I do give a sh*t about, however, is examining the connection between humor and business wherever it exists. I am fascinated by the game, the language and the players. I am fascinated by what people – myself included – do to succeed.

So in that context, this has been a very useful exercise. But, come on. 640?

Perhaps I still have the intellectual firepower to score higher on the GMAT. But clearly my dilettante test prep can’t compete against those who actually give a sh*t. Clearly I have not committed myself to the process.

Clearly I am not sufficiently hungry. Despite having been deprived of my granola bar.

Paul Ollinger is a stand-up comedian, digital media veteran, and a Tuck ’97. His humorous (and highly-nutritious) guide to the MBA application process will be published in 2016. Follow him on Twitter @Paul_Ollinger.

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