Student Voices: Why ‘Fitting In’ Is The Wrong Strategy At INSEAD

“When in Rome, do as the Romans do” works in most places.

It’s practical advice: observe the norm and adapt quickly. I had lived by that rule for years – across companies, teams, and countries.

But that logic broke down the moment I arrived at INSEAD.

During the launch week, we were immersed in Leadership in Action and the Personal Leadership Development Program (PLDP). What surprised me most was the absence of a clear definition of what ideal leadership actually is. Instead of prescribing a model, INSEAD asked us: Who are you as a leader, and how does that show up differently across contexts?

There was no checklist. No ideal stereotype. Just reflection and exposure.

DIFFERENT COUNTRIES, DIFFERENT CAREERS, DIFFERENT GOALS

Soon after, we were assigned to our study groups. There is a common myth at INSEAD that study groups are deliberately designed to create conflicts. I’m not sure whether that is true by design, but what I knew for certain was that my group embodied diversity in its fullest sense. It wasn’t just in nationality, but in background, age, and world view.

My group members are from Israel, India, Mexico, France and Vietnam: Sivan, Riya, Rodrigo, Linh and Nami (me). Before INSEAD, they worked as a product manager, a banker, a management consultant, an advisor (who also happens to be a novelist), and a marketer. Some spoke with speed and certainty, others paused before responding. Some challenged ideas directly, others preferred to build up. Early on, the differences felt sharp. And my instinct, once again, was to fit in.

In the first few discussions, I found myself adjusting my tone, choosing words more carefully, and holding back perspectives that didn’t sound “MBA-polished”.  But I soon realized how nonsensical that strategy was, especially in our Organizational Behavior class, where we were asked to create a team contract.

The task sounded simple: agree on how we would work together. In reality, it forced every difference to surface. As we sat around the table, discussing our individual goals, the diversity in the room became impossible to ignore, be it our expectations, communication styles, or how we would make team decisions.

We didn’t want the same things.

Rodrigo was driven to excel academically.

Sivan wanted to build confidence in her leadership presence.

Riya was focused on becoming more assertive.

Linh was using the experience to explore his career direction.

DIFFERING LEADERSHIP STYLES BRING OUT EACH OTHER’S BEST

Listening to everyone, a question kept coming back to me: if I tried to fit in by staying quiet about my own needs, how could this group ever work, for me or for anyone else?

That was the moment I realized that fitting in wasn’t just limiting my contribution, it was undermining the team. I finally spoke up. I shared that for me, my primary goal at INSEAD is to expand my network and to learn how to collaborate deeply across differences.

Instead of creating tension, the honesty unlocked alignment. Others clarified their priorities more openly, not only academically but also socially and personally as well. From those individual goals, we co-created a mutual goal that didn’t force trade-offs but accommodated different motivations: academic rigor, leadership growth, career exploration, and relationship-building. They all became complementary.

And honestly, what surprised me most wasn’t the agreement itself. It was how we brought the team contract to life and explored our leadership styles.

Rodrigo, driven by his academic goal, became like our favorite professor. He raised the bar for our group assignments, offering guidance and mentorship that helped everyone perform better in class.

Sivan led with clarity and decisiveness. She set up meetings, pushed for closure, and made our decisions practical and transparent.

Riya challenged ideas more assertively over time, asking the hard “what if” questions that prevented us from settling too early.

Linh anchored the group emotionally, checking in when energy dropped and making sure everyone felt comfortable speaking up.

NO SINGLE ‘ROMAN’ AT INSEAD

Beyond the classroom, we extended this collaboration into our personal lives. We introduced one another to our own networks through Diwali celebrations, career mixers, and the Halloween party. We cooked our traditional meals for others. More importantly, we showed up for one another when it mattered.

Over time, we didn’t become effective by smoothing out our differences; we became effective by making space for them. Each of us led differently, and each style added something the rest of us lacked. None of these styles were superior. Together, they worked.

Watching all of this unfold forced me to turn inward. I realized that my instinct to stay quiet wasn’t humility, it was hesitation. I was reserved at first, cautious even. But by keeping my minds open, welcoming unfamiliar ideas, and practicing empathy, I learned not only how to work well as a group, but how to lead alongside others without needing to dominate the room.

That was then when opening lesson finally clicked. And I finally understood why there is no definition for an ideal leadership style.

“When in Rome, do as the Romans do” assumes that success comes from adapting to a dominant norm. But at INSEAD, there is no single “Roman” to imitate. The classroom works precisely because no one is expected to sound, think, or lead the same way. That’s being said, at INSEAD, fitting in is not a strength, it’s a missed opportunity. Leadership here isn’t about adopting a single style, but about understanding your own way or leading, knowing when to step up and when to step back, respecting how others lead differently, and allowing those differences to coexist.

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I am Nami Nguyen,  an INSEAD MBA 26J and former FMCG Brand & Innovation Manager with experience across Southeast Asia. I am also a semi-professional photographer who enjoys capturing everyday moments across culture – a lens that influences my perspective on culture, authenticity, and leadership in global settings.

Nami’s LinkedIn

Nami’s Photography Instagram

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