MBA Essays That Worked At Harvard & Stanford

What matters most to you, and why? (Word count: 755)

60605, 60606, 60607.

These zip codes are just one digit apart, but the difference that digit makes in someone’s life is unfathomable. I realized this on my first day as a high school senior. Leafing through my out-of- date, stained, calculus textbook, I kept picturing the new books that my friend from a neighboring (more affluent) district had. As college acceptances came in, I saw educational inequality’s more lasting effects—my friends from affluent districts that better funded education were headed to prestigious universities, while most of my classmates were only accepted by the local junior college. I was unsettled that this divergence wasn’t the students’ doing, but rather institutionalized by the state’s education system. Since this experience, I realized that the fight for education equality will be won through equal opportunity. Overcoming inequality, to ensure that everyone has a fair shake at success, is what matters most to me.

But this vision wasn’t just a pipe dream—I executed. That year, I was selected as student advisor to my school board, representing the district’s 70,000 students. The next year, I ran for school board— the youngest candidate in Illinois history. Though I lost to the incumbent by 5%, 1 the valuable connections I’d fostered led me to become—throughout college—the director of a political action committee that manages school board candidates during high-stakes elections and leads lobbying efforts for education finance reform in Springfield. Although I saw progress through expanded advanced placement course offerings and school enrollment options, it wasn’t enough. Believing that the legal system could deliver the justice I envisioned, I decided to attend law school.

19139, 19130.

Different locations. Same inequalities. One is a leafy, quiet Philadelphia suburb; the other is
where the local juvenile hall is located. There, throughout law school, I taught incarcerated students fundamental entrepreneurship skills with the goal of economic empowerment. These teenagers were on their own, viewed as unemployable upon their release. I hoped to give them the opportunity to better their lives, by helping them gain the skills and confidence to start their own business. During my last year of law school, I mentored one student in starting his own bicycle repair business, guiding him through creating the business plan, marketing campaign, and procurement contract. He supports himself with his business today, showing me the true equalizing power in opportunity. Similarly, I helped another student attain a cosmetology license, making her dream of becoming an independent hairdresser reality. These results are satisfying, but working with one person at a time is just too slow.

60647, 60642.

I’m back home in Chicago, following law school. By day I work at BCG, assisting international financial institutions on pivotal strategic initiatives. But I missed empowering others through education activism. So, I began the Youth Leadership Initiative to mentor University of Illinois, Chicago, students interested in management careers.

Through the Initiative, I have mentored over 30 university students one-on-one, helping them
select and pursue business-oriented careers. Additionally, I’ve led workshops for over 100 students, teaching “soft skills,” including interpersonal, and public-speaking skills. When Renata thanked me for the interview she otherwise wouldn’t have landed, or Auston tells me how he overcame his fear of public speaking with a class presentation I coached him on, I can envision all the opportunities they can now take advantage of with the small, initial push that I provided.

So why am I so passionate about opportunity? 2 It has its roots—as so much does—in family. My father escaped a theocracy as a teen, immigrating to America with nothing to his name, unable to speak a word of English. However, he had access to a free English class at a local community college.

This opportunity set into motion a chain of events that changed his life, and ultimately, mine. That free course enabled him to graduate from high school and attend university, becoming an engineer. It gave him the skills to start his own business—first as a car mechanic and later as an entrepreneur, owning a car dealership. It let him support his family, send two children to college, buy a home. He was able to take two months off every summer, so I grew up visiting international destinations for weeks at a time, expanding my horizons and learning just how much the world has to offer. 3 I was raised in a less affluent district than my friends, but that English class—and my father’s drive—gave me opportunities and advantages. Without it, I could have fallen victim to a hopeless zip code.

Commentary by Jeremy Shinewald of mbaMission: In this applicant’s story of his journey, he cleverly uses zip codes as his hook, creatively engaging the reader in what matters to him: equality. However, what is more notable is that he consistently supports his assertion of equality’s importance to him with evidence that he has taken action to improve other people’s circumstances and to fight inequality. Many candidates feel that they must prove to the admissions committee that they are altruistic, and if they are lacking in substantial proof of such, they will lament a scarcity of formal community service opportunities and/or try to embellish any benevolent or philanthropic act from their past to reveal their humanitarian values. Unfortunately for such applicants, they will never stack up well against a candidate like this one who has real depth. Said differently, something has to truly matter to you for you to be able to write about it effectively.

While the zip codes frame the essay, the narrative moves forward as a simple chronology, with the applicant growing personally and philosophically at each stage. He shares his humble background and then his ambition to help others from a young age via his ambitious run for the school board. Then, he describes how even as he was advancing his own education via law school, he remained committed to making a difference at the individual level—and succeeded in changing peoples’ lives. Finally, he shows how as a professional, he is having a significant social impact outside his workplace, launching an initiative that has reached more than 100 people. Because the evidence and impact are so clear, the reader arrives at a very obvious conclusion: this is a highly purpose-driven individual whose track record presages a remarkable future. However, the essay conveys no inklings of arrogance, and the applicant does not pat himself on the back; instead, he concludes by reflecting on his and his family’s humble background. In doing so, he effectively notes that he has not forgotten—and more importantly, will not forget—who he is. The admissions reader can understandably expect follow-through in both the short term and the long term because the candidate’s values clearly propel him.

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