CBS Follies: MBAs Bid A Hilarious Goodbye To 2020

A NEW CAREER OPTION

Certainly, the CBS Follies court controversy. Without question, the edgy “CBS OnlyFans” hits the mark when it comes to sparking a discussion. Starting out as a traditional recruiting video, the skit quickly barrels down an unexpected path. Faced with rescinded internship offers, CBS 1st years find “independent contracting opportunities” in a (fictional) startup: OnlyFans – a series of adult webcam sites.

Yes, the follies went there – exploiting the trope about MBAs being shameless, money-grubbing hustlers. On top of that, the creatives rammed every imaginable innuendo into the otherwise tight copy. From sultry sirens to gawky gimps, these (again, fictional) MBAs learned that SexTech sells – earning in a summer what Bainies make all year.

The best part, says “Jake Tanner,” is that he has been able to apply all of his MBA knowledge to his new role. “Big data is bigger than ever,” he observes. “And that could not be more true than right here at OnlyFans. Our front end stack is pretty thick. I’ve been able to own that command line and PROBE that database thanks to what CBS taught me about manipulating my Python.”

Some bad taste? You bet’cha! In business, you listen to the market. On YouTube, the video currently has 32 thumbs up…and 0 thumbs down. Success, indeed!

MORE PERFORMANCES WORTH MENTIONING

There was something for everyone in this fall’s CBS Follies. There is the “Diversity Rap” that implores employers to look beyond their usual profiles (“Like Pokemon, collect us all / Boost your next earnings call / It’s 2020, you can’t wait / You look like Congress at this rate.”). “Nicky On The Quad” satirizes “Billy On The Street” with over-the-top dramatics that’d embarrass Jim Carrey. At the same time, “Like A Dick” raps about the new normal in etiquette: No hugging, eating indoors fighting on Slack, or swimming in the Hudson (Wait…who would swim that cesspool?). Law & Order was lampooned in “Covid CTU,” where investigators raced against the clock to stop a rogue super spreader. Maybe the most underrated – and most moving – video is a take on Panic! at the Disco’s “High Hopes,” chronicling the downward spiral of 2nd year MBAs…

“Came here with high high hopes for recruiting
But it turns out that it’s always just a shit show
Missed the deadlines and hit on the recruiter
Now I have no no hope
Should have just stayed in the job that I hated
Wasn’t that great but I still got a paycheck
Now I gotta pay loans back in a minute
And I have no, no hope”

This year’s biggest revelation, however, came in the music section. A CBS band, Juranimal, played several numbers online, including covers of The Cranberries’ “Zombie” and Adele’s “When You Were Young.” In true college style, the band gathered under a bridge and went acoustic for Coldplay’s “Fix You” as pedestrians passed by them.

Of course, no Follies would be complete without a major choreographed dance number. This year, the creatives delivered three dances, including a flashy and intricate Bhangra mashup.

MANY PERFORMANCES FILMED ON iPHONES

Yes, the CBS Follies are basically an ever-changing comedy and entertainment troupe. That said, it is serious business at Columbia Business School. The club is composed of 13 officers and 240 members. Even more, the school maintains an impressive collection of camera and sound equipment, says Olivia Mell and Chanel Washington, the co-presidents of the CBS Follies, in a written statement to Poets & Quants. Despite this, this latest show represented a departure from the club’s usual modus operandi.

“A great deal of the Fall 2020 show was actually filmed on iPhones using hand-held gimbal stabilizers,” explains Mell and Washington. Since the quality of the iPhone camera has gotten so good, quite often we don’t need to use our DSLR equipment! We film and edit everything ourselves, and very few of us have had previous experience doing so before Follies. And for those that have, there are a lot of tips and tricks that are shared mutually throughout the club.  We try to learn as much as we can from each other, and there’s a great spirit of experimentation and desire to dive in head-first within the club.”

Indeed, the CBS Follies have traditionally been marked for their professionalism, with parodies like Bitch in Business crossing over to become YouTube sensations. Here’s a secret: the content is completely student produced. That’s right, Columbia MBAs handle all the writing, editing, singing, acting, and directing. In many cases, they have never done anything like this, says Mell and Washington. The only part where students receive help, they add, involves the music recording and mixing.

A GROUP OF “FOLLEAGUES”

“We have a dedicated sound engineer and producer, Albert Cohen, who works with us every semester to get our music sounding fantastic. He has been with Follies for over a decade, and we couldn’t do it without him!  On our end with the music, this semester in particular we were blessed with some tremendous vocal talent and parody-lyric writing talent, which enabled us to create some great songs.”

It is difficult for Mell and Washington to pinpoint the number of hours it takes to produce the CBS Follies. However, they add, the process starts during the first week of semester. Here, the club holds its first meeting to brainstorm new parody ideas.

“We then treat the rest of the semester like a sprint to show day, with each week a new step in getting sketches and songs written, voted on by the whole club, re-written/polished, cast, recorded, shot, and edited,” Mell and Washington tell P&Q. “There’s a phrase we all use frequently in the club, which is “Anything for Follies”, and it shines through everyone throughout the entire process. Our “Folleagues”, as we like to call them, dedicate themselves above and beyond the call of duty to put together this truly collaborative show.”

A CHALLENGING SEMESTER

This esprit de corps, as they say, starts with the lessons that the CBS Follies members learn in the classroom. In fact, Mell and Washington note, they often talk about how the Follies have strengthened their leadership abilities and taught them to think outside-the-box to find solutions. Those skills were certainly put to the test during the pandemic.

“In a semester where we had a ton of new restrictions and considerations to work through because of COVID-19, we have had to find new ways to do things safely and efficiently,” they explain. “And it’s not just the two of us who have done so. Our board has worked tirelessly with us to innovate under these new circumstances, and the whole club works toward the shared goal of giving the best show we can to our community. So in that sense, the learnings fostered in business school about diversity of thought, effective communication, and proactive change management (thanks, Professor Jick!) have really been put into action in creating the Follies show.”

Yes, the Follies can reveal fissures and exhibit questionable taste. In the end, pressing boundaries is the nature of comedy. This year, the CBS Follies troupe was wildly successful in their ultimate mission: bringing people together.

“It has been gratifying for all of us to have received feedback from our classmates, faculty, administration, and staff alike that the Follies show helped re-awaken the sense of community at CBS at a time when it has been difficult to do so virtually,” Mell and Washington add.

To watch the CBS Follies start-to-finish, click here.

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